A time for reflection and rest

“因为了解而分开，但。。 因为习惯却而复合”  — GUTS, Dec 2011

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No, don’t get any weird ideas. This was just a quote which arose out of my GUTS birthday celebration back in early Dec. I thought it sounded rather poetic and original, and hence wanted to pen it down as a momento. Haaa, hope I got it right though.

The last 3 months of 2011 SUCKED BIG TIME. My GUTS friends already know this though. Work had not improved at all (I think it worsened actually) for my new portfolio, and of course it’s the same for my personal life as well lar. I’ve decided that I’ve had enough, and has hence asked my boss for a transfer out. But of course I know this will not happen overnight, and that I still not only have to find another position for myself, but also wait for someone to come fill my current post.  But at least my boss has been quite supportive and has even given me a few ideas on what’s suitable for me. I’m very grateful and am also sad that I’m leaving good bosses behind to seek new opportunities, and to a place which is quite foreign to me still. Sometimes, I wonder if I can still take on new experiences at this ripe old age of 33, and if I should just stick my neck around where I’m at now and wait for work to improve. SIGH.

Well at least in the other arena of my life, things are slowly returning back to nomalcy. I do still sometimes think of him and the past 5 months, but the ache has lessened somewhat and I know there will eventually come a stage where I can look back everything fondly without pain or malice and just feel glad that it had happened and there had been good things which I benefitted out of it. I mailed back some of the stuffs he gave me, as well as a letter to tell him my thoughts, the most important being that he should have trusted his own gut sense and instincts and put a stop to everything the moment he felt insecure and unsure. I hope I didn’t put it across too rudely though, cos that was never my intention. I just hope he doesn’t repeat this with another girl lo. Notice that I did all this only for Idiot #2, and not Idiot #1 cos the latter was not even worth it. The former is a nice guy who probably just didn’t know how to reject a girl. But no, I don’t want to end up with either cos there must have been a very good reason for the ‘break-ups’  and I respect the better things life has in store for me in 2012!! =)

Jesse Tang advised that in the coming year, we (as in Scorpios) should face our difficulties and obstacles squarely and not squirm around in an attempt to avoid them. We can all learn something from our problems and sad moments, and I guess as long as we eventually pick ourselves up and keep moving forward, life will definitely still be worth the ride and experience. For the remaining 5 days of 2011, I’m going to think of all the happy times I enjoyed, and the new goals I’m going to set for myself in 2012. So watch out for my next blog entry!!

PS. I kept the previous post intact and public, cos it had been a large part of what I went through in 2011, and I do want to give myself credit for having the courage to invest my feelings into something which I hadn’t known then if it will work out or not. It didn’t, but that still doesn’t remove the fact that it had once happened and we had both plunged into it with the best of intentions and faith. It is this faith which I hope will never die in me cos without it, I wouldn’t even have had the opportunity to experience and learn.

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